when i was young

when i was young i drank
when i was young i took drugs
when i was young i smoked too much
when i was young i fucked the wrong girls

but i am still not old

the good guy

i always did my best
tried to make sure i
treated them well
and did what i should

often i failed
made mistakes
and sometimes
i regretted them

sometimes

what it is

i had a day
where i thought
of nothing
i did nothing
in fact
i dont even remember
why i lived it

tomorrow maybe
the same
but
overall it is
a feeling i get
sometimes

and sometimes
i choose
what i will be

sometimes i choose
my motivation

otherdays
i just am

so as it goes
on i change
my mind
i think about
those days
that should
have been

the days
i decided
to do nothing

and i look back
and try
to remember why
i wasted all i had

and i cannot
answer
the question

i just did

will i avoid
making
these mistakes again

maybe

but only time
will tell

Old age

Yeah, so I am getting older...

I know I am.

All I can say is bring it on.

You know why?

It is because I have realised that now there are twice as many attractive women as before!

When I was between the ages of 0 and 25, anything older than 22 was old and saggy and not very good looking! But I have since realised that it isn't so! Now at the grand old age of 27, yes 27, I now know that the older lady is beautiful!

But the bonus part of it all is there are still the beautiful young-uns!

Ok, I need to tidy this all up a bit. I am not about to go and find myself a glamourous granny or anything (although Suzi is 30), but all I am saying is that after having looked a bit further than the superfit 18 year olds (which I will always love), there is a reason all of my relationships didn't work...

Yeah, they were smart. I was never a fan of the dizzy birds. Yeah, they had great personalities and yes they were fit... but they were also still kids at heart. I mean ok, I am still a kid at heart.

but now i am a kid with... um, actually very few responsibilities, except for myself. Which is all good with me.

So to sum up...

Beautiful women are beautiful...

If you are one of them, keep it up!

If not...

um... I don't wanna be rude!


Apologies for the poor everything in this blog, I am tired and wanna go to bed, but I need to do the washing up before I sleep... (doe's that count as responsibility?)

इ don´टी हवे लॉन्ग!

why is this computer attempting to translate my script into arabic?

anyway... I have been away from technology for a few days and unable to make any new news... but i wanted to post something real quick, which I will update when I get the chance!

I have realised something...

I am getting old!

My Computer

It’s funny (It really isn’t that funny)…

Normally I have absolutely nothing to say when I begin these things and then I manage to ramble on for rather a long time about absolutely nothing.

Today is going to be an exception, I have a boring topic of a broken computer and I don’t think I am even gonna write half the amount I normally would!

So if it is short and dull… sorry.

If I do manage to make it long, I am sure it will be long and dull.

I have just spent the last 24 hours updating all of my SpyWare/AdWare/Firewall/Antivirus protection for my laptop, which is accompanying me around the world… This is because I downloaded Limewirea couple of days ago and within about 3 minutes of starting it I managed to pick up a virus or 3 and had lots of problems with everything! (I was attempting to get a copy of GTA Vice City)

Anyway, my subscription to Norton 360 was running out of date and I thought maybe I should investigate alternative options, especially as I wasn’t really that much of a fan of its usability, or the fact that it liked to crash every week, or that it was just generally shit… I must point out in its defence though that my computer is still alive which is a mystery to me, after the amount of music/film/games/porn I have tried to download in the 3 years I have owned this machine!

So thanks Norton for that!

Well, I had a look around, as originally I just wanted to try and fix the immediate problems and ended up stumbling on a website advertising free antivirus, etc…

Avast! Was the name of the program, and I thought I would investigate what was being said about it. Everything appeared Kosher and I realised it is also the antivirus Suzi uses on her laptop too, so I continued into the realms of fully uninstalling Norton…

Easy enough

Next download and installation of Avast! No problems thus far… In fact after a complete scan of my system, which took over an hour, it even discovered a couple of problems that Norton had missed. After start up, everything seemed ok.

Avast!

It was this point that I realised that Avast! was without a firewall… after further investigation I then found info on a couple of other free applications including a free firewall called ZoneAlarm. Again I investigated to find how safe this was gonna be to my computer. All reports I found were good, but this is where I made a mistake. I forgot to check the compatibility of all the products I was installing with each other. (more on that later).

I finally had all I thought I needed in place to get started and to make my computer super safe.

I tentatively rebooted my computer.

I must mention I began this whole process of “fixing” my laptop at around 8pm. By now it was probably about 1am.

Laptop fully booted…

Limewire manages to get the firewall up, even though it says it is allowed. MSN messenger just dies a death. Internet locks up.

NOTHING WORKS!

Luckily I wasn’t too worried and decided the best form of resolution was close down Limewire, as I was sure this was the thing that was killing everything, which seemed to be right. In fact I was so pissed off with Limewire and its computer killing power I decided to remove it completely.

Ok, so internet after about 10 minutes decided it did still want to function. And I was feeling pretty good about all the hard work I had put in to get it working. But what I failed to notice while I was cheerfully checking my facebook updates was MSN Messenger… Still dead…

So, I said about 1am at last time check. Add about another half hour for me faffing about and realising still problems.

It was after 5am I decided to give up trying to find a fix for these problems. It appears that nothing free works with anything else free very well.

Never mind, I thought and went to bed.

I have just realised that I thought I had nothing to say at the start but in fact I seem to have said rather a lot about nothing. Also, apologies to anyone that has no interest in the technical side of computing, I don’t really either, but the last few days I have had very little choice.

Ok, so next “morning”, I got up and decided to resolve this all after all… my first plan was to add another anti-spyware program, called Spybot. Which I did… This required yet another entire system scan which revealed that I had around 200 ad/spyware programs on my laptop.

Now, I don’t know if that is a lot, but it sounds like a lot to me!

I was sure now my friendly little mobile PC was going to have a new lease of life after this, but guess what? He was still not a happy bunny.

And this is where I am now really.

I have removed my firewall, and am running only on Avast! Which I am under the impression will be OK for now. I have found out after a long day of frustration that Avast! and ZoneAlarm do not like each other and also that my laptop is officially knackered.

---

Did you ever watch He-man? Or Jerry Springer?

I would like to finish in the style of Adam, Prince of Eternia, by saying…

No matter how hard you try to fix one problem, if you have lived a bad life there will always be another problem around the corner, but if you are a good person you will find these problems have a way of solving themselves. So don’t corrupt your PC or yourself by downloading pornography.







And in the words of Jerry…

"Until next time, take care of yourselves and each other."

Brazilians Part II

Ok, I was gonna make you all wait a little longer before I was gonna update "Brazilians" Part II, but I am too impatient.

I left off at...

The Tangas...

So, what is a Tanga? you may well be asking.

A book I read soon after I arrived in Rio de Janeiro gave possibly the best definition possible.

The book is called "How To Be A Carioca The alternative Guide for the Tourist in Rio, by Priscilla Ann Goslin (not the most Carioca of names) a woman who moved to Rio as a child.
In the book Priscilla makes very good observations about the "Carioca" that even my Carioca friends have had to have a good laugh at!

Anyway, to make a short story longer and in case you don't know, a Carioca is a native of the city of Rio de Janeiro. The nickname was given by the Tupi-Guarani Indians to the first white men who came to live in Rio de Janeiro: CARI (white man) + OCA (home).

Ok, so this is not a book review, but I like to give a bit of background to what the hell I am going on about, otherwise I mmay as well make this blog two lines long!

tanga ['tun gah]: tiny triangular pieces of material usually held together with strings. Worn by Carioca women as a bikini on the beach.

In fact, if you look back at the books cover picture you can see an illustration of what I am talking about!




Anyway, again as I was saying in the last blog...

If you look back at the beach you will see another beautiful sight too.

The Tanga...
... to be continued

And continue we shall...

I had always heard that in Brazil the women wear small bikinis and more or less I didn't doubt it. But my god...

That first day walking along the beach, I stood on a dying wasp and it stung me in the sole of my foot... I am not gonna lie and say it wasn't too bad, because it fucking hurt! So I decided to have a little sit down and whine to myself about my sore foot.

I had probably only been walking for about 2 minutes and I had been so enamoured by the skyline that I had neglected to really look at the people around me. But while i was sat there rubbing my tootsies, I looked over my shoulder...

and there was a bikini...

well, there was some of the bikini...

the rest had been gobbled by some beautiful monster!

In fact the vast majority of that bikini was internalised by the wearer I think!



But I remember bikinis from my holidays to Greece and France... the ones that cover the arse! Here they are after as much exposure as possible.

I have a little theory that the reason the bikinis here are so small is because unlike the beaches in Greece and France where almost every girl has her tits out (which I do not complain about), here it is illegal. So as a compromise, someone decided to make sure that these bikinis are as miniscule as possible, to maximise sun exposure.

My foot soon stopped hurting and I decided to go for a bit more of a walk. (After what I had just seen I probably should've taken a quick dip in the sea to calm down!) And it was whilst I was continuing my promenade along the beach that I realised something else about Brazilian women and the tanga...

I thought that the super tiny trinangles were only reserved for the super, fit bodied, young ladies on the beach...

This I have in fact found to be not exactly right.

The tanga is universal... I'm not gonna say one size fits all, but...

The fatties wear them too!

Nicoteen

It was a few years ago when a few friends and I, at one of my old jobs, came up with this idea...

We even had one of the girls we worked with interested in being the "star"! I think it was the offer of free cigarettes (and a big cut of the profits).

Anyway, I thought I would share this with you all. Enjoy!

(black background)

Text over:
"Presented by the BeanOlogy collective"

(zippo opens with long painted nails)

Voice Over:
A new star is born

(zippo lights)

A face not only for the future

(focus on lighter/flame. female face out of focus in background)

But a face for now

(Cigarette burning down with female dragging it)

(black background)

Text over:
(overlapped*)"She/It may not be big"

(smoke rings)

(black background)

Text over:
(overlapped*)"She/It may not be clever"

(cut to another drag)

(black background)

"NICOTEEN"

(giggle)

(pan down corset back)

Voice Over:
She’s smoking

(lacing at bottom of corset undoes itself)

She’s fiery

(low-slung panties reveal butt crack)

and She’s here for only $5.95 a month

(smoke ring heart & arrow)

(20 secs of body shots)

(giggles)

(close up of lips)

Nico: Come inside!

(black background)

"NICOTEEN"

"www.nicoteen.com"

My dream stopped when I found out the URL was not available.

Brazilians Part I

I remember my first couple of days in Rio de Janeiro fondly.

After leaving the beautifully air conditioned plane that had brought me from New York, via Miami, I walked out to what can only be described as a furnace. I was still dressed in some of the clothes that I had been wearing to snowboard in about a week before. Basically I was in jeans, trainers, T-shirt, hoodie and snowboarding jacket... I also had on underwear. Luckily the airport terminal is air conditioned, otherwise I would've died from dehydration straight away.

Map of

Rio de Janeiro

I knew I had about two hours at the airport while I was waiting for Suzi (my now girlfriend) to come and meet me. I brushed my teeth after finally translating signs for toilets (Luckily, they also expect lazy english speakers to not understand any portuguese). and tried to squeeze all the excess clothing I had on into my already overstuffed bag and put on my flip-flops.

I was still smoking at this point and after a 10 hour or so total journey without nicotine (must remember to tell you about nicoteen) I decided to venture back out into the inferno (winter in portuguese is called "inverno") that was waiting!

It was hot!

One thing I will tell you about Rio, is even the kids begging outside the airport are really friendly, which after having been in the States and Canada for the previous couple of months was a refreshing change. In fact everyone was really friendly! Maybe they thought I was a rich american who was gonna give them all my excess dollars? Maybe they were wrong. But they did keep me entertained for a little bit, being fascinated by my i-pod, and doing the belly rubbing hungry look. but at the end of the day I am a cheap uncharitable bastard!

Oh and you will never have a problem finding a taxi here... everyone is offering one. What suprised me though was the helpfulness of the guys you said "no thanks" to. In particular there was one, Silvio, who kept on asking me if I needed a taxi, and eventually when he got the picture I was waiting for someone, he offered me the use of his cel-phone to call. I think that is something that is known as great hospitality!

Eventually Suzi arrived we got on the bus and she started pointing out things to me of interest. I will always remember that first journey to her apartment from the airport, because I did not speak any portuguese and I think Suzi was very nervous speaking english, so we communicated in a combo of english, pictionary and sign language (and I was convinced that she wouldn't like me).

Seeing the favelas that we passed on the way I realised that this was a completely different place to any I had ever known.

Later that day, Suzi was busy with writing her theses, so I decided to leave her in peace and take a walk along the local beach.

Praia (beach) do Flamengo is about a 5-10 minute walk from the apartment. When I arrived there it was still really hot, maybe about 3pm so I decided to take a walk up and down the beach to take in the views.

and what views are there!

View of

Pão de Açucar

from

Praia do

Flamengo
From Praia do Flamengo you can see across most of the Bay of Guanabara, which includes in its skyline Pão de Açucar (Sugarloaf Mountain), Niterói and the nearby national airport. If you look back at the beach you will see another beautiful sight too.

The Tanga...

...to be continued

Good Farofa! Where?

I took a trip recently to a place called Cachoeiras de Macacu* (literally translated is Waterfalls of Macacu), which was one of the most beautiful places I have ever had the fortune to visit.

Me jumping

into a waterfall

It took us approximately 2 hours and 14 minutes to get to Cachoerias by car from the big bus station in Rio de Janeiro, although all the guides will tell you it is about an hour and a half away. i know this because I managed to listen to a 2 hour and 11 minute podcast from start to about 30 secs from the end of the journey and I wasn't being totally unsociable when I first got into the car... well, for at least three and a half minutes!

I don't know if you listen to podcasts at all, but I am rather pleased I bothered to investigate them. Although the quality of broadcasting is sometimes questionable, there are some hidden gems in amongst these lumps of coal... My current favourites being the Collings and Herring Podcast. Basically they talk about current affairs in the papers back in sunny England, which is a bit strange because after 5 months with very little knowledge of England's news, suddenly all I really have is a satirical overview! Not complaining though.

Another

waterfall

I have also downloaded stuff to help me improve my Portuguese as I am a bit rubbish still!

Anyway, I am considering making my own podcast (let me know if you think this is a shitty idea) on something, but I know I need some half decent material to begin, but who knows... I may be on millions of peoples i-pods around the world one day... I doubt it though!

It's a

hard life

Where was I?

Oh yeah, Cachoeiras...

Got there and checked out a hotel that was in the most grotty part of town and didn't really appeal... then we drove to this absolutely amazing place called Pousada de Escultor. It was beautiful! It even had its own waterfall! We knew we had arrived at our home for the next few days. And it cost us R$18 (about a fiver) per night

OK... I don't really wanna tell you everyting about this place, as I would rather you went and found out about it for yourself. But lets just say Me and Suzi found our own private waterfall, which was nice! Also in general the landscape was some of the most spectacular ever.

I must mention that while I was in this place I also saw some of the most disgusting things I have ever seen here. But those are stories for another day.

What I really wanted to tell you about here was the food... or more exactly the guy who served us in a restaurant! but I need to fill in a few gaps first.

Worst restaurant in Cachoeiras goes to... shit, I can't remember the name, but it I think it was called Restaurante Cachoeiras Palace (sorry to you if it isn't). It is a part of a big hotel there and was quoted as the only real restaurant in the whole town by the locals.

I have eaten better meat both in quality and cooking ability from McDonalds.

Right, why I started writing this now...
My favourite restaurant so far in Brazil is Art Gourmet (Art Gourmet Rod. RJ 116, Km 44 / 784 Tel:(21) 2649-2811). It was less than a five minute walk from our pousada, and the food was really good... I even enjoyed the farofa! and between 5 of us eating we still only paid a total of about R$70 which in english money is about £20. (did I mention that we all had fillet steak?)

But I still haven't got to my point... but I am finally here. Not just really great food but also there was the best waiter I have seen in the world!

I mean if I said the best waiter in Brazil I would not be saying much. Most waiters here really don't even give half a shit whether you enjoy your meal or not, much like England.

Salomão was different though... Salomão knew how to do his job, and how to do it well. I'm not just talking about bringing out 12 plates in one go. He was polite and friendly

Visit Salomão at Art Gourmet in Cachoeiras de Macacu, it is worth it even if you don't see the pretty waterfalls!

(* I have added more pictures now this blogging thing actually worked... so far I have had to rewrite everything twice... Grr.)

The Farofa Diaries

Well, you may be wondering what the hell

"The Farofa Diaries"

is/are (as it is only one diary starting now, but
potentially more in the future) all about.

So I guess I should begin by explaining what farofa actually is.

Children
enjoying
farofa

Wikipedia tells us:

Farofa is a dish of wildly varying flavors consumed in South America, most especially in Brazil. It can be found commercially produced and packaged in most South American markets but is often prepared at home based on family recipes. The key ingredient of all Farofas is either toasted manioc (also known as mandioca, macaxeira, macaxera, cassava, yucca, or tapioca) flour or maize flour (farinha de milho) . Most recipes will also contain varying amounts of salt, smoked meat, and spices. The consistency of the mixture also ranges from large grains the size of cracked bulgur wheat or couscous, down to a table-salt-sized powder. Most farofas have a very smoky and slightly salty taste, by and large used to accentuate the taste of meat, particularly barbecued meat, and the hearty stews.
In Brazil, where farofa is particularly popular, typical recipes call for raw manioc flour to be toasted with butter, salt, and bacon, until golden brown. Also in Brazil, farofa is also used to stuff poultry and other dishes, usually containing raisin, nuts and/or finely chopped sweet fruit like apple and banana. Brazilians will also use the word farofa to mean Streusel.
Farofa is served alongside the main course and can either be sprinkled on by individual diners to their taste before eating, or eaten as an accompaniment in its own right, as rice is often consumed.

What Wikipedia fails to mention is the uncanny resemblance of farofa to
sand! It is the same colour, same consistency and the same flavour as sand, yet it is a Brazilian staple.

First time I tried it I actually thought that the Brazilians were crazy (more on this at a later date). When I actually was convinced that it was in fact food I decided to give it a go... I am still convinced it is sand!

Sand

I have given it lots of tries and have actually managed to sample an acceptable version! In the main, farofa is salty, gritty and generally not very nice.
But as I mentioned before, it is a Brazilian staple, which can get a bit frustrating after a while... In fact the typical Brazilian diet consists of arroz, feijão, farofa e carne (rice, beans, farofa and meat) and is pretty much what you will expect to see at every meal. (I'll tell you more about feijoada another day)

For anyone who happens to be reading this and wondering why I am getting a bit uppity about all of this, it is because I am currently residing in Rio de Janeiro, Brasil (Brasil in Brasil, Brazil everywhere else), with my Brazilian girlfriend... "Not a bad thing" you may be thinking, and you would be correct, but the diet here is so dull!

Well, anyway, I guess I should also mention I am currently about half way (in time) through an around the world trip...

Meat and two veg.

Are we that dull at home? Do we just do the same? Probably as a stereotypical nation the answer is yes. In England I guess we have a habit of eating potato in some form with most meals, in fact here in Brazil a jacket potato is called Batata Inglesa

But the exciting thing is I have now found out where I can find good fresh ingredients to help expand Suzi(my girlfriend)'s palette and keep my taste buds from going on strike! It seems to be working at the moment.

I have to cook myself (no I don't sit in cauldrons!) which means I now cook every night. It also means I have to visit several different supermarkets to actually get the ingredients I need so usually shopping takes me about an hour... or more. but then I do like to procrastinate a lot!

Ok, so you now know what farofa is (although you will never understand truly until you try it), back to what you that first thought...

So...

What the hell is/are "The Farofa Diaries"?


Is it a Diary?
Is it a cookery book?
Is it the ramblings of a strange man finding his way through this world?

I don't really know yet, but it is my aim to give a little insight into other lands through my experiences, in a place I now call my home...

a place known as the World

Things to talk about at a later date...
Rodizio
Churrasco
Feijoada
Cachoeiras
Praia
Tangas
Sungas
Nudity
Biquini Cavadão
Seu Jorge
Ana Carolina
Ronaldo/Ronaldinho