Ok, so I have been trying to think of a good subject to write about here, but have come up with nothing so far and thus am just gonna write until inspiration hits.. Well that is what they always taught me to do when I was at school and had to make creative writing... actually I think they said that I was to repeat the same word over and over, so if that happens, then you know that the inspiration fell....
Ah, but thinking of those magical days at school takes me back... I remember I was a little bit of a trouble maker back in the day, and this led me to occassionally having to do punishments such as "Bill's Wills", which was basically the will of the founder of the school that was not all that interesting . In fact it was written in olde english and was in fairly small print,.. and what you would have to do is write it all out underneath the lines... There were tricks to making these easier though. Like with any lines there are ways to make the task less cumbersome, but this was not what I enjoyed doing... I prefered to make my own story at points, usually about the prefect that gave out the punishment... I think I only got caught a couple of times and even got let off once because the particular prefect who was called Olly something and was the head boy of my school, found what I had written pretty funny!
Then there was the punishments from the teachers... Writing essays on the subject of their choosing. These subjects would range from the plain dull to the utterly mind-blowingly boring! Examples included "The sexlife of a drawing pin" (painful), "The density of a brick" (very stupid) and my personal favorite "The inside of a ping pong ball"... I can't remember the exact wording as it was over ten years ago that I would have drafted this work of art, but it went something like this...
The Inside of a Ping Pong Ball
In the Galaxy of the Chocolate Starfish there is a planet known as Ping Pong Ball. Now Ping Pong
Ball is very different to the other worlds you may know, it has a perfectly flat terrain, even more so than the Netherlands back on Earth, thus it creates a perfectly spherical globe. On the surface it also appears to be uninhabited too, but then it is often said that appearances can be deceptive. In fact Ping Pong Ball is one of the most densly populated planets in the entire universe! Many of the inhabitants are much like Human beings in as much as they have opposable thumbs and they like to eat chicken, but there is one very distinct difference: They have have have have have...
... toasted cheese sandwiches instead of eyes. Although having toasted cheese sandwiches doesn't seem like such a bad thing, alot of dog like creatures attacked them and ate their "eyes" which left them blind. So, totally without vision, how did these Ping Pongites lead normal lives? They rely entirely upon their ESP... Afterall they were from another planet.
Although there are no mountains or rivers on Ping Pong Ball (in fact the inside of the planet is as featureless as the outside), the inhabitants manage to survive upon the constant source of moisture that hangs in the air. They call this the "Sweaty Pit Effect" and it was thought to be caused originally by some big fat guy, they called King Salty Water, that never stopped sweating. It was later discovered that this was not true and King Salty Water later renownced the throne.
The "Sweaty Pit Effect" was answered after the boffins of the planet managed to develop space travel. It was on one of these journies that conclusive proof of the effect was presented, and this lead to the writing of the book "The Official International Table Tennis Rules". In this book it is explained how the Gods use the planet as a device for their games, and by the sheer athleticness of their sport it leads to much perspiration. This moisture enters their atmosphere via a small hole that is situated at one of the poles of Ping Pong Ball. It is also through this hole that the inhabitants were originally able to embark on those intergalactic voyages to locations such as "Net of Dispair and "Bat of Chinaman".
There are many sceptics of the Gods, including probably the most prominant dissident who goes by the name of Jesus. Jesus claims to be the son of God, but has been unable to demonstate sufficient skills playing the game of the Gods, which leaves most people unsure.
So, After about an hour of writing as wittily as I possibly could I would be all ready for showing this work of art to my teacher... and although I never expected him to grade it, I did expect him to at least skim read it...
... but he read absolutely nothing. Not one word. He just screwed the bit of paper up and threw it in the bin!
My literary classic (well for a 14 year old it wasn't too bad) was wasted, only for me to know of my genius.
For the next blog:
Stupid people and why I don't like them
Future subjects:
Carrier Pigeons.
Ah, but thinking of those magical days at school takes me back... I remember I was a little bit of a trouble maker back in the day, and this led me to occassionally having to do punishments such as "Bill's Wills", which was basically the will of the founder of the school that was not all that interesting . In fact it was written in olde english and was in fairly small print,.. and what you would have to do is write it all out underneath the lines... There were tricks to making these easier though. Like with any lines there are ways to make the task less cumbersome, but this was not what I enjoyed doing... I prefered to make my own story at points, usually about the prefect that gave out the punishment... I think I only got caught a couple of times and even got let off once because the particular prefect who was called Olly something and was the head boy of my school, found what I had written pretty funny!
Then there was the punishments from the teachers... Writing essays on the subject of their choosing. These subjects would range from the plain dull to the utterly mind-blowingly boring! Examples included "The sexlife of a drawing pin" (painful), "The density of a brick" (very stupid) and my personal favorite "The inside of a ping pong ball"... I can't remember the exact wording as it was over ten years ago that I would have drafted this work of art, but it went something like this...
The Inside of a Ping Pong Ball
In the Galaxy of the Chocolate Starfish there is a planet known as Ping Pong Ball. Now Ping Pong
Ball is very different to the other worlds you may know, it has a perfectly flat terrain, even more so than the Netherlands back on Earth, thus it creates a perfectly spherical globe. On the surface it also appears to be uninhabited too, but then it is often said that appearances can be deceptive. In fact Ping Pong Ball is one of the most densly populated planets in the entire universe! Many of the inhabitants are much like Human beings in as much as they have opposable thumbs and they like to eat chicken, but there is one very distinct difference: They have have have have have...
I think this is a point at which I would normally want to go down the route of vulgarity but remembering that I was going to have to give this piece of paper to a teacher in half an hour made me think again. But bums in place of their heads and vice versa is so tempting...
... toasted cheese sandwiches instead of eyes. Although having toasted cheese sandwiches doesn't seem like such a bad thing, alot of dog like creatures attacked them and ate their "eyes" which left them blind. So, totally without vision, how did these Ping Pongites lead normal lives? They rely entirely upon their ESP... Afterall they were from another planet.
Although there are no mountains or rivers on Ping Pong Ball (in fact the inside of the planet is as featureless as the outside), the inhabitants manage to survive upon the constant source of moisture that hangs in the air. They call this the "Sweaty Pit Effect" and it was thought to be caused originally by some big fat guy, they called King Salty Water, that never stopped sweating. It was later discovered that this was not true and King Salty Water later renownced the throne.
The "Sweaty Pit Effect" was answered after the boffins of the planet managed to develop space travel. It was on one of these journies that conclusive proof of the effect was presented, and this lead to the writing of the book "The Official International Table Tennis Rules". In this book it is explained how the Gods use the planet as a device for their games, and by the sheer athleticness of their sport it leads to much perspiration. This moisture enters their atmosphere via a small hole that is situated at one of the poles of Ping Pong Ball. It is also through this hole that the inhabitants were originally able to embark on those intergalactic voyages to locations such as "Net of Dispair and "Bat of Chinaman".
There are many sceptics of the Gods, including probably the most prominant dissident who goes by the name of Jesus. Jesus claims to be the son of God, but has been unable to demonstate sufficient skills playing the game of the Gods, which leaves most people unsure.
So, After about an hour of writing as wittily as I possibly could I would be all ready for showing this work of art to my teacher... and although I never expected him to grade it, I did expect him to at least skim read it...
Mr. Banks, I would just like to let you know that I am holding you responsible for me not following my dreams to become a creative writer, journalist or an author, even if I did hate english and writing!
... but he read absolutely nothing. Not one word. He just screwed the bit of paper up and threw it in the bin!
My literary classic (well for a 14 year old it wasn't too bad) was wasted, only for me to know of my genius.
For the next blog:
Stupid people and why I don't like them
Future subjects:
Carrier Pigeons.
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